Selections From The Dictionary of Correlationism: Standards

Standards: (n.) 1. Rules for clothing The Body of The Youth of The Church in a moral manner pleasing to the Lord.  2.  Rules for touching The Body of The Youth of The Church in a moral manner not displeasing to the Lord.  3.  Rules for listening to moral music about clothing or touching The Body of The Youth of The Church.  4.  Rules for feeding and hydrating The Body of The Youth of The Church in a manner pleasing to The Body of The Youth of The Church of The Lord etc.,.  5.  Rules given to The Youth for looking at things.  6.  Rules given to the Youth for hearing things.  7.  Rules Given to the Youth for feeling things.  8.  Rules for smelling things.  9.  Rules for The Youth, in general, for everything.  10.  Fancy Old Flags.  Through the setting of standards, the Lord who stands on the head of The Church, through The Prophet, provides for living the pure life of the gospel-lived forever-family life for The Youth, and for implementing the Plan of Happiness (q.v.).  The Youth who stray not from the path of Standards are ensured a permanent superhighway to eternal families, and research shows that The Youth who follow the Standards when youthful never stray from The Church.  When the Standards are fully implemented by The Youth, they are certain to never stray from the Plan of Happiness.  Indeed, the Standards ensure that the Youth of The Church are the purest, happiest, smartest, efficientest, submissivest, and least suicidal youth in the World (q.v.).  These standards are designed to liberate The Youth from the snares of The Adversary, whose principle concern remains, as ever, the corruption and control of The Youth.  Thus, adult members of The Church are not the principle target-demographic for the S.  Usage:  S. Night is an information delivery service provided free of charge to The Youth.  The S. of Excellence is a magic phrase which ensures that Excellence is the S.  The S. of Liberty was a fancy old flag waved by Captain Moroni, among the earliest efforts at public relations in The Church.  The revealed pronunciation is Stannerz.

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