Conversations With Heaven

I  just came across the most inspiring article in the Ensign.

It’s by Reichstag F. Bilderbung of the Quorumieth Quorum of the 70, and it’s sooooo spiritual, it’s awesome!

But I’m only allowed to post ten percent of the article, unless I  pay royalties, but here it is!

“Conversations With Heaven”

“And so, my beloved brethren, I called the number the representative of the Lord emailed to me, and was greeted with the faithful voice free of hormone exciting inflections.  He said, “Thank You for Calling.  Due to a increased volume of calls, your call will be answered in approximately eighteen minutes.”  God works on his own time, brethren, I testify.  At last the sweet song of angelic angels was hushed, and I was again addressed by the voice, saying, “This is a voice activated calling system.  Please state the nature of your inquiry.”  Because the Lord gives us free choice to use wisely, he let me select from the following menu: “Accounting.  Receivables.  Billing.  Late Payments.  Speak to Customer Service.”  With a trembling hand, and a shaking finger, I dialed “Accounting” and was told by the kindly messenger, “I’m sorry, I can’t understand your request.  Did you say, ‘Receivables’?  And I know the Lord tests us, tries our faith, and yet not beyond our measure.  I replied, trembling, “How do I get to Accounting.”  And he replied politely, “I’m sorry.  I didn’t understand your request.  Did you say ‘Late Payments’?”

Needless to say, I answered, “No, my brother.”  And he said, “I’m sorry, I can’t understand your request.  Did you say, ‘Speak to Customer Service’?”  These are the ways of the Lord, I testify, for in my heart I did want to speak to Customer Service.  And so, with faith in every fingerstroke, I dialed the words S-P-E-A-K-2- and before I could even finish dialing, the kindly angelic voice transferred me to where in my heart I most greatly desired to be!

Well, when I arrived, I was greeted by the kindliest woman angel, who asked if I would mind going on hold for a bit.  Of course, this was the chance of a lifetime of eternities, and I was happy to put into practice the prophetic dictum to be patient.  Hold, beloved brethren, hold to the rod!  So I waited, and then, I was greeted with the sound as of trumps, a twinkling chime like the wings of angels, and then, silence.  With tremblind voice, I spoke to the Lord, and opened my soul, and bared my heart, and when I hung up on this conversation with Heaven, why, brethren, I can testify to you, though he listened silently and did not respond, I know he heard!  For the Lord’s representative called me back, and offered to atone for my credit card debts in excess of ten thousand dollars, for a small one time fee of three percent!  I am redeemed!  Truly my soul is carried away as on eagle’s wings!”

And that’s all I can post, but believe me, it was sooooo spiritual!  I totally knew they had good credit, good enough to get the platinum priesthood key offer.

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