Selections From The Dictionary Of Correlationism: The

The: The most important part of every faithful, worthy, successfully strengthened prayerful Latter-day Saint Families’ value-adding word-collection, The is properly used by Priesthood Holder-males under the guidance of The Priesthood and local leaders.  In exceptional circumstances, however, The Lord grants the privilege of The-ing to Single Moms, Widows Previously Visited By The Prophet, and, at times, the Youth or The children.  As one of the Lord’s Keys for Adding Strength, The confers immediate perfection, purity, unassailable validity, excellent credit scores, and high-strengthening success potential to any ordinary noun: Church; Temple; Scriptures; Manual; Brethen; Prophet; Mission Field; Y; Family; D.I.; Youth; Chuck-A-Rama.  By contrast, The also purges the deceptions of The Adversary from evil things, rendering to prayerful Saints the things as they are: vile, wicked, empty, void, less delightsome: For example, World; Gays; Government; Sixties.  The should only be applied to nouns after approval from the The Committee has received The certifications and follow-up Return-And-Report (TM) feedback from The Apostolic Committee of The Prophet of The Church of The Family.  The Strenghtening The Members Use of The Committee has found that through careful surveillance, constant monitoring, and regular eavesdropping of The Words of The Members, inappropriate or unfaithful unprayerful less strengthening use of The has declined significantly over the previous decade.

1 Comment

  1. Chuck says:

    And don’t forget, of course, The BYU, and it suffix sisters -Idaho (with its new 435,000 sq. ft. “-Idaho Center”, or The i-Center for short) and -Hawaii.

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