Selections From The Dictionary of Correlationism: The Manual

The Manual: (n.) 1. The idealized Oracle of God as given directly to the Prophet (q.v.), and as then given to thousands of employees, volunteers, and so on, who add-value to the Oracles, by crafting Principles (q.v.), stories/rum0r, hot-button moments, Subjective Lesson Objectives, and other Trade-Secret Protected Intellectual Properties, all of which make Correlated Mormons among the best theologians, historians, philologists, orators, educators, and philosophers who are In But Not Of The World.  The M. is on par with The Church, The Prophet, and The Priesthood for most used and least referential terms in Correlationism; it picks out a perfect, timeless, omniomniscient entity.  The M. like these other The’s is perfect, timeless, unchanging, ever-adapted to Our Times, Exactly What is Needed by Me Today; It also has the virtue of eliminating bulky, awkward ‘scriptures’ whose pages must be turned in class in order to read therefrom, and yet of providing exactly the Correct Meaning of any verse, word, phrase, from the ancient writings (ranging from the early 19th C. A.D., to Before Time, B.C.), collected and marketed under the Brand Name, The Standard Works (q.v.). 2.  The “lamanite” fellow who fixes the sprinklers at The Church according to the Oracles of The Prophet.

1 Comment

Comments are closed.