_earing _ants to Church Day

In solidarity with semi-formal Sunday-appropriate attire pants-makers, fabricators, designers, and distributors across the nation, and those womynb who seek to pull down power by pulling up their pants on Sunday and getting to work on their nursery programs, I give the following catalogue of offensive things one should NOT say to fully pantsed women at church:

Let’s promote follicle equality and Shaker outreach by wearing hats to church

Promote discursive widening by driving swearing aunts to church

Insist upon fishery preservation by applying for herring grants at church

Spread wilderness survival awareness by smearing ants in church

That, sir, was but an erring glance to (Mr) Church!

Soon they’ll be marrying plants in church.

You’ll get called into the bishop for putting me into that glaring trance at church!

This list is nothing but a flaring nonce at church.

Everyone is invited to Monson’s “sharing” manse at urge

Propose greater inclusiveness by shouting, “fearing Bantas is no better than Bearing Fantas to church!”

Notice how her earring slants at church?

Let’s demand the choir be elevated to singing chants at church.

Admit we’ll never be hearing Kants at church

You swear you saw my ex Nance carrying Lance to church?

What does a Mormon girl do on saturday night when the priesthood closes every session of every conference, claims to hold all the keys for exaltation of her family, refuses to call her words “revelation,” insists she needs neighbors to bless her children,  tells her her place, and then tells her its another place, shames her if some randomly assigned body parts are partly visible, and gives the prayer over beers that are brought to a party at her friend’s house?  Pulls up her pants and goes to church in protest.