I have a product

So, I have this car I’d like to sell.  Here’s the specs:

* It runs for about a week, and then you will  need to take it to the shop, and have its battery charged, its engine tuned, etc.  Sometimes major repairs will  need to be done, because sometimes the “world” changes its standards, and we will have to retrofit the car.

* It will only drive you places I say you get to go.

* Mostly those places are taken from my map.

* I reserve the right to rename the places on my map.  For example, you want to drive to Las Vegas.  I will rename my neighbor’s home as “Las Vegas, symbolically” and thus you can, then, drive to your desired destination.

* You can only use the keys if I turn over the engine for you.  Unauthorized use of the car keys will result in repossession of the car.

* My contract is non-negotiable, and comes from one of three “higher” sources: maybe the auto dealer; maybe the auto maker; maybe the repair shop.  But be assured I have no control over the terms of the contract, although I represent these entities.

* Your use of the car is conditional upon my assessment of your need to use the car.

*  Your use of the car is conditional upon my assessment of your ability and “worthiness” to drive it around, to destinations agreed upon as above.

* Others may have the same car, but under no conditions can you let them drive it around.  We can’t let everyone drive cars.

* You cannot resell the car.  Ever.  You can only have it repossessed by me.

* Your payment plan is structured according to your income, and at no point do you “own” the car; you are only renting the right to be Party B in the contract.  In fact, there is no amount you can pay me for the car, as I don’t really “need” the money, but I will accept it on your behalf, so you don’t feel like a scoundrel for driving around the car (according to the above terms) for nothing.

* Also, the car is the most valuable car in the world, and runs the most powerful engine, and can fly too.  In the future, I mean.

* Finally, in order to maintain the “value” of the car, and its powerful engine, I demand you talk about the car constantly, and find others not allowed to drive it around, who also will talk about how much they want the car.  This is called Prophet Sharing.

* All terms are subject to change, without prior notice, without violating the terms of the contract.  You reserve the right to agree with me, unless I revoke that right, which will make you very sad.

Any takers?