What Can I Call This?

The scene: Bountiful, New World, after the descent of a resurrected Jesus…

Jesus: Suffer the children to come to me, and be healed!

Children rush to the Lord.

Some would be apostle: Hold on there! Is that little What’s-his-name? His daddy practiced the unnatural relation with a man he also cohabitated with!

[Rushes to the Lord.]

Would be Apostle: Jesus! Jesus! I say there, I got here just in time! Why that small child over yonder—he has no name, in the plates of the church—has a father who once lived with another man, in the “knowing” relation, as we say here in the King James English. True, it is that his father repented of this iniquity, and since was wed to the child’s mother—herself a whore of no small repute, so I’ve heard—by my own hand and authority. But, well, you know how it is. (Whispering: His dad was s-e-x-ually cohabitating with another man, for a few days, and so it would destroy the fabric of the Atonement were we to bless and give this child a name) Looking out to the crowd: Phew! I got here just before He, the Lord of All Creation, placed your hands on his little head and blessed him! Begone, evil seed of a wicked house! Begone, unclean defiler of

Jesus: Shut up. How did this guy survive the destruction? Gabriel, can we go over the list of who’s invited to the party, and who is not? This guy is on the Do Not Invite List, I’m sure.

Fake Apostle: But Jesus. But Jesus Christ, Lord and Redeemer who stands at the head of this church, even the Alpha and Omega

Jesus: Shut up! My name is just Jesus. I’m so fucking tired of hearing you give me titles, and then ignoring what they mean. “Lord”? That means I get to say what goes on here, not you. I have no need of dotard chamberlains to whisper in my ears some wicked policy. Redeemer? That means I get to declare whatever fate will befall everything that is, after you guys screwed it all up. Head of the Church? That means I don’t need you, and never did. Alpha and Omega? I don’t really know about that one, but…

Fake Apostle: Well, it’s like this, O Lord Emmanuel, even the Savior and…right, I’ll get on with it. We’ve discovered a limit, of sorts, in the whole Washing Machine of the Atonement. I know you said a while back that the sins of the fathers cannot be visited upon the heads of the children, or something. But apparently The Atonement can’t get all the stains out souls, like we all thought it could. Don’t get me wrong. It totally cleans up future dudes like Hitler, and Stalin, and child murders and pimps, and so on. Cleans ‘em right up. Why that guy there, in the crowd himself murdered and ate four babies, just last week. But he repented and got baptized. Boom, cleaned right up. But it seems that there’s two sins the machine cannot clean. Ever.

Jesus: Machine?

Fake Apostle: Indeed. The sin of polygamy. We cannot seem to get that sin to come out of the souls of the children born to polygamists. O Vile Sin!

Jesus: Polygamy? Like Abraham, Moses, Jacob, David My BFF, Solomon…

Fake Apostle: Right. All going to hell.

Jesus: Aren’t you children of polygamists, sons of Abraham and Jacob?

Fake Apostle: Well, we’ve forsaken our fathers. BUT. Let me just be clear: we still claim their house, and all their blessings. But they are wicked. Were wicked.

Jesus: I’ll let them know, when I visit them in the mansions in heaven.

Fake Apostle: And the other new sin we cannot seem to get our Atonement Machine to clean out is, well, is being born to or adopted by someone who is or did in the past live in a same-sex relation, like unto the marriage relation. We call it The Eleventh Commandment, around here. At least it takes about eighteen years to come clean from being so born, or adopted.

Jesus: What are you talking about? Go away. It seems that children born in such houses, where they will face the taunts of bullies and themselves suffer your unrighteous scorn, must be twice-blessed. Bring him here, and I shall bless him, come my child. And I name him the child of the blessings of your house, Fake Apostle. You shall wander, houseless, as an unclean spirit.

Close Scene.


Now, let me address whoever wrote and approved this policy, working in darkness.

First of all, you and your leaders secretly made a change in your fake new scripture (A Handbook? Who calls a Handbook “scripture”?); a change that would, from your own perspective, possibly shape for the worse the eternal fates of children who have committed not the sins of their fathers. You were exposed by your own toadies, who apparently shamed by your deeds, brought it to light by sending your policy to one of your excommunicated unbelievers. What defense can you give, other than the hateful notion that you have the power, and the souls of men must submit to your rule? Ha!

Why is this child blind, Lord? Who committed the sin, himself or his father? Why is this child born to currently or previously same-sex cohabitating adults? You have no explanation. Were they overly valiant in the War in Heaven? You are making work for your descendants, who will find themselves performing scriptural gymnastics in order to justify your actions, for they inherited your false power; while also distancing themselves from you, for they are ashamed.

Or are you taking a political stand on the faces of babies? How brave. Why not stand up to powers, principalities, and wickedness in high places? Why not use your powers of Seership to spy into the darkness where conspiring men plan to take our freedoms? Or do you whisper with those men? Why no use your Revelators to tell us what will befall our economy, our nation, anything in the future, or the past? Tomorrow’s weather forecast? Anything. Why not ask your Prophets, prophesy? No, you write policies that others will enforce.

You take on the babies of those you dare no longer to fight with, having had your asses handed to you time and again by the “Gay Lobby.” You lost a fight to dudes who loveth dudes, and who wear rainbows while dancing in public. You in your suits and towers, have no power over them. Like Pharaoh you cannot rid yourselves of slaves you depend on, frail masters; and would kill their infants instead, grandstanding that It’s Time To Take A Stand. Only those who desire to replace you are impressed.

You claim special powers to keep the “Family Unit” together across the Eternities. That your temples seal together we the living and, across the gulf of death, our unhappy ancient kin. Yet you cannot even keep families together here, in Utah, in my own neighborhood. Mormon spouses leave each other and their children; the children are driven out by parents, and hearts waxeth cold among your people. You have no power over anyone with agency, and that is the same amount of power every unclean spirit also possesseth.

You’ve changed nothing in our world; made nothing better but your own wardrobes and means of travel. You take from the poor and call it tithes, and give grudgingly, hopeful in the expectation of usury. Your books will pass away with no one remembering them, for your words have not spirit; and your names will be merely fall into a long list of men we might have known, and who were vain fools.

What power have you, then? Only the power to stand on the necks of children, and the make their parents fear.

You countenance these policies, without bothering even to lie, and proclaim, Thus Sayeth the Lord; without bothering to explain anything to your own Mormons who will be enforcing your stance on their wards’ children; you give yourself the privilege of granting exceptions to your own policies, while demanding their enforcement by men who daily labor among the common folk, bearing their burdens. You countenance this, despite violating the stated “scriptural” courses such a new doctrine should take, namely, presentation before a conference of the church, and a vote of common consent.

This is not doctrine, you object, it’s only policy. It isn’t based on doctrine, I’ll grant you that. In fact, it violates, again, several of your own stated scriptures, the obvious ones concerning the impossibility of justly inheriting sin. But you do not know your own scriptures, unlike even the Pharisees of old. How might Jesus ask you sit and reason with Him? You cannot reason, having your minds darkened, for you seek to follow a man.

Now, you have inherited the curses of your first Mormon fathers, that is true. And yet again are these manifest in wickedness, by which you will only curse yourselves anew. Fools! But all may come freely to Jesus, having repented, regardless of whether their parents repent. Indeed, you have not repented, and likely never will, being besotted by the phantom of Power. Yet I have repented of your abominations, and do not bear your curses.

The irony of all this is that your abominable practice of baptizing young children will at least be halted, for some select few.


Moroni 8

And now, my son, I speak unto you concerning that which grieveth me exceedingly; for it grieveth me that there should disputations rise among you. For, if I have learned the truth, there have been disputations among you concerning the baptism of your little children.

And now, my son, I desire that ye should labor diligently, that this gross error should be removed from among you; for, for this intent I have written this epistle. For immediately after I had learned these things of you I inquired of the Lord concerning the matter. And the word of the Lord came to me by the power of the Holy Ghost, saying:

Listen to the words of Christ, your Redeemer, your Lord and your God. Behold, I came into the world not to call the  righteous but sinners to repentance; the whole need no physician, but they that are sick; wherefore, little children are whole, for they are not capable of committing sin; wherefore the curse of Adam is taken from them in me, that it hath no power over them; and the law of circumcision is done away in me.

And after this manner did the Holy Ghost manifest the word of God unto me; wherefore, my beloved son, I know that it is solemn mockery before God, that ye should baptize little children.

Behold I say unto you that this thing shall ye teach–repentance and baptism unto those who are accountable and capable of committing sin; yea, teach parents that they must repent and be baptized, and humble themselves as their little children, and they shall all be saved with their little children. And their little children need no repentance, neither baptism.

Behold, baptism is unto repentance to the fulfilling the commandments unto the remission of sins.

But little children are alive in Christ, even from the foundation of the world; if not so, God is a partial God, and also a changeable God, and a respecter to persons; for how many little children have died without baptism! Wherefore, if little children could not be saved without baptism, these must have gone to an endless hell.

Behold I say unto you, that he that supposeth that little children need baptism is in the gall of bitterness and in the bonds of iniquity, for he hath neither faith, hope, nor charity; wherefore, should he be cut off while in the thought, he must go down to hell. For awful is the wickedness to suppose that God saveth one child because of baptism, and the other must perish because he hath no baptism.

Wo be unto them that shall pervert the ways of the Lord after this manner, for they shall perish except they repent. Behold, I speak with boldness, having authority from God; and I fear not what man can do; for perfect love casteth out all fear.

Here is what men acquainted with Jesus actually say:

(Moroni 8) And I am filled with charity, which is everlasting love;wherefore, all children are alike unto me; wherefore, I love little children with a perfect love; and they are all alike andpartakers of salvation. For I know that God is not a partial God, neither a changeable being; but he is unchangeable from all eternity to all eternity. Little children cannot repent; wherefore, it is awful wickedness to deny the pure mercies of God unto them, for they are all alive in him because of his mercy. And he that saith that little children need baptism denieth the mercies of Christ, and setteth at naught the atonement of him and the power of his redemption. Wo unto such, for they are in danger of death, hell, and an endless torment.

I speak it boldly; God hath commanded me. Listen unto them and give heed, or they stand against you at the judgment-seat of Christ. For behold that all little children are alive in Christ, and also all they that are without the law. For the power of redemption cometh on all them that have no law; wherefore, he that is not condemned, or he that is under no condemnation, cannot repent; and unto such baptism availeth nothing–But it is mockery before God, denying the mercies of Christ, and the power of his Holy Spirit, and putting trust in dead works.

Behold, my son, this thing ought not to be; for repentance is unto them that are under condemnation and under the curse of a broken law. And the first fruits of repentance is baptism; and baptism cometh by faith unto the fulfilling the commandments; and the fulfilling the commandments bringeth remission of sins.

Here is what a true prophet says:

(Moroni 9) O my beloved son, how can a people like this, that are without civilization–(And only a few years have passed away, and they were a civil and delightsome people) But O my son, how can a people like this, whose delight is in so much abomination–How can we expect that God will stay his hand in judgment against us? Behold, my heart cries: Wo unto this people. Come out in judgment, O God, and hide their sins, and wickedness, and abominations from before thy face!

Here is how true prophets speak to their church, not through secret councils and books telling policies only the select few are required to implement upon the whole of the church:

(Moroni 7) Wherefore, I would speak unto you that are of the church, that are the peaceable followers of Christ, and that have obtained a sufficient hope by which ye can enter into the rest of the Lord, from this time henceforth until ye shall rest with him in heaven. And now my brethren, I judge these things of you because of your peaceable walk with the children of men. For I remember the word of God, which saith by their works ye shall know them; for if their works be good, then they are good also. For behold, God hath said a man being evil cannot do that which is good; for if he offereth a gift, or prayeth unto God,except he shall do it with real intent it profiteth him nothing. For behold, it is not counted unto him for righteousness.

For behold, if a man being evil giveth a gift, he doeth it grudgingly; wherefore it is counted unto him the same as if he had retained the gift; wherefore he is counted evil before God. And likewise also is it counted evil unto a man, if he shall pray and not with real intent of heart; yea, and it profiteth him nothing, for God receiveth none such. Wherefore, a man being evil cannot do that which is good; neither will he give a good gift. For behold, a bitter fountain cannot bring forth good water; neither can a good fountain bring forth bitter water; wherefore,a man being a servant of the devil cannot follow Christ; and if he follow Christ he cannot be a servant of the devil. Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God; and that which is evil cometh of the devil; for the devil is an enemy unto God, and fighteth against him continually, and inviteth and enticeth to sin, and to do that which is evil continually. But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.

For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God. But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth no man to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves unto him. And now, my brethren, seeing that ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged. Wherefore, I beseech of you, brethren, that ye should search diligently in the light of Christ that ye may know good from evil; and if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a child of Christ.


  1. Dayton, I appreciate your tone and message. I agree with you, except that I do not think baptizing an eight year old is an abomination.

    I think the Lord is reasonable when he said an eight year old ought to be willing to repent and be baptized if properly instructed. It’s true. And it does not contradict the scriptures you shared, as there is a point where a child becomes a different kind of creature: self-aware and capable of repentance. Repentance doesn’t refer to what a person is doing with their genitals, but where their heart is. It means to turn and face God.

    Having said that, I agree with the sad state of we get when men follow men and disregard *real* prophets, even as they call themselves the same.

    Thanks for sharing.

  2. So, it seems awfully small and cowardly of the church to do this. Hey, I know what you can call it. How about: Evil. If it is given to us to discern evil from good, maybe we should call it as it is.

    But I see people trying to come to terms with this, saying that the children of polygamous families were **already being treated this way**– as if that justifies it. Or saying that these kids are being saved from oathing some baptismal covenant that they couldn’t possibly keep, given their conditions. Or maybe this is just wisdom on the church’s part, covering their asses from potential lawsuits.

    The excuses are unreal and make a beggar of reason. So thanks for the post, it brings sanity.

    Honestly, what is the deal with baptism at all? I mean, if I am capable of repentance, I know a perfect way to signify it! And it ain’t getting dipped in some water. What if, in fact, I actually repented instead? Wouldn’t that, in itself, signify what I am? And if I have compassion for those who stand in need of comfort, maybe I could just…. comfort them.

    What kind of god demands water dipping as a sign and condition? Couldn’t he tell what we are without it? I mean, is the deity absurd? Possibly insane? There has got to be something else going on here.

    I guess I don’t have anything against this baptism– maybe it’s something that gives us some sense of solidarity. Although, it seems to have been made into a weapon to create outsiders out of children now.

  3. With as gay friendly as they’ve become, this recent change seems like it may be calculated to create a fervor that “forces” their hand once again to fully accept gays in more ways than they already have. Then when they’re baptizing and marrying gays, the existing older members can point to it and reason that they are only doing it because they were forced, so the church is still true. It’s the same reasoning that the church can be true while telling Chinese members to follow the laws of the land.

  4. John Smith and Mary Jones were married in the Salt Lake Temple in 2005. In the fall of 2008 Mary gave birth to triplets, Adam, Seth and Enos. The family lived happily as devout members of the LDS Church and Adam, Seth and Enos were eagerly awaiting their baptism in the fall of 2016. Sadly John and Mary were killed in a car accident on January 1, 2015. There were few financial resources to care for their sons; therefore, the boys were split up. Adam was adopted by Mary’s brother Gary who was recently married to Berta a transgender person, born Albert du Luc. Seth was not adopted but was sent to live with John’s mother Birdie, an angry feminist and outspoken life-partner of Gloria Steinburg her housemate. Enos was adopted and went to live with his aunt Lucy, a bisexual slut who restricted her sexual encounters with both men and women to automobiles parked in the driveway next to her house.
    In the fall of 2016, when the boys pursue their desire to unite themselves with the humble followers of Christ which of the following will occur?
    A. All three boys will be baptized because: Adam, although adopted, was not adopted by a same-gender couple; Seth, while living with an openly gay couple, was neither naturally born to nor adopted by either woman; or Enos, while adopted by a sexually active bisexual slut, she was neither married to nor cohabiting with a same-gender sexual partner.
    B. Adam cannot be baptized because Berta is really a male making his relationship with Gary a same-gender relationship; John gets baptized despite being inculcated in gay lifestyle because he was not adopted or borne to Birdie or Gloria; Enos will or won’t be baptized depending on whether the bishop believes an automobile comes within the definition of a ‘habitation.’
    C. None of the boys will be allowed to be baptized because the bishops will reason through each situation and refuse to put form over substance and thus discern the spirit of the handbook rule which is to protect the good name of the church by protecting the church from homosexual polygamists attempting to gain access to the temples through family members.
    D. The question cannot be decided because the bishops will read the handbook rule, find it confusing and anti-biblical/anti-Christian and prone to inconsistent, arbitrary and absurd results therefore they will take the Spirit to be their guide and the Spirit ain’t saying anything until the fall of 2016.

  5. Daymon, can you please elaborate on this statement: “The irony of all this is that your abominable practice of baptizing young children will at least be halted, for some select few.” It resonates but I can’t reconcile it with D&C 68 and it’s eight-year-old-child baptism mandate. Reflecting on my own baptism at that age, I really don’t feel it was a major turning point in my life towards Christ (certainly it was not the first fruits of repentance) because I wasn’t a sinful and remorseful creature and probably just wanted to get back to my Nintendo. After all, I was 8!

    1. I think it might have to do with missionaries (or anyone else, I guess) baptizing young kids without their parents or a support system. So it is not so wrong to baptize 8 year olds, but to baptize kids just to fill a quota.

  6. The brainiacs at Kirton McConkie forgot to consult both Jesus *and* President Newsroom before updating Handbook 1. But this lapse in cross-functional alignment was really not their fault– Elder Oaks kept rubbing his hands together and practicing his evil laugh all through the kickoff meeting, which scared and distracted the intern responsible for this project.

    So you see, everything happens for a reason.

  7. In discussing this last night with our mutual friend, Peter, he reckons the reasons for the policy change, as given on KSL as protecting children / families, etc., are BS, and that they are entirely attributable to a (literally) technical issue. As currently written, MLS, the program used to track membership records, doesn’t support the notion of a “family” that does not consist of father, mother, children. The MLS program code (particularly that part implementing so-called Household Records) would have to be updated to allow for children of record that had two fathers / mothers. This, of course, is not technically difficult to do, though it would probably cost more African Family Units, AFU’s, aka Widow’s Mites, or more commonly “money”, than those in charge would like to spend, rather than divert them into some kind of investment. A relatively easy code change, I say, BUT to okay this kind of change in the MLS code would be to admit something that perhaps the chamberlains don’t really want to admit via its representation in bits and bytes (if you know what I mean).

    1. I think there must be an absurd reason behind the prohibition on blessing and naming, and this coding problem seems to fit that level of absurdity. It’s usually this sort of thing that drives policy, at the COB, rather than theories and whatnot concerning the fate and souls of men.

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