The Restored Production Teams Striving To Build Trust and Lead Like the Savior

Just a little end-of-year light minded reading, courtesy of employment ads.  I was supposed to be looking for a real job, but couldn’t resist the mental-linguistic train wreck brought about by these solicitations to hire.

I’ve mixed in a fake, maybe, just to see if you can pass an updated version of the famous Turing Test…

  1. Project Manager:The purpose of this position is to spread the message of the restored Church of Jesus Christ around the world. This is accomplished in part through the creation of engaging, unified messaging with greater reach and efficiency. Church messages are delivered via television, film, web, print, mobile, social media, and other delivery channels in multiple languages. We always seek new, improved, and more innovative ways to bring the world unto Christ.

    More specifically, the Project Manager 3 manages large projects on behalf of internal Product Managers and Directors.  Projects may include social media campaigns, advertising campaigns, video production, SEO and data analysis, and the support of complex web properties.  Projects require strategic planning and the establishment of best practices in accomplishing the needed work.  Projects are highly complex and public facing.

  2. International Fonts Manager (not baptismal):The purpose of this position is to help successfully internationalize all print and media of the restored Church of Jesus Christ around the world.  We constantly seek improvement in our ability to bring all the world unto Christ. Church messages delivered via various channels (eg print, web, mobile, software applications, and social media) need considerable technical font expertise to carry them effectively into multiple languages and cultures.

    The International Fonts Manager has a vital leadership role in the global production of successfully localized products and messaging.  This includes responsibility for licensing, acquisitions, modifications, and maintenance of all fonts.

    Further, this manager is a key resource in ensuring that new products and sites can be properly internationalized by collaborating with production groups and subject matter experts to ensure that technology, tools, and fonts work successfully in both production and delivery channels.

  3. Social Media Manager: Our Social Media Managers are industry experts in using social media marketing to convey powerful messages.  We research concepts, draft posts, schedule and publish content, compile published assets and supporting documentation to submit for Intellectual Property and Correlation clearance, moderate community conversations, compile analytics reports, and make strategic recommendations based on data and product plans. We both develop and manage the scope, schedule, and budget of our client’s social media deliverables. And we oversee the production teams involved in this work, striving to build trust and lead like the Savior.

4. Missionary Mobile Device Operations Specialist:



  • Bachelor’s degree or 3+ years of operations experience
  • Technical fluency and experience with mobile devices, such as iPads, iPhones, and Android devices
  • Proficient in PC and mobile device use and troubleshooting
  • Command of Microsoft Outlook, Word, Excel, and PowerPoint
  • Polished verbal and written communication abilities
  • Comfortable working with missionaries, families of missionaries, priesthood leaders, mission presidents, missionary department leaders, and partners
  • Energetic, enthusiastic, self-starter
  • LDS Church member worthy to hold a temple recommend


  • Served a full-time proselyting mission
  • Served in a mobile device mission
  • International experience

5. Customer Development Manager:

The mission of this position is to help Church members fulfill their divinely appointed responsibility to discover their families through family history methods, submit their names to the temple for saving ordinances, and to help bring souls unto CHRIST.

I have an opening on my team for a Customer Development Manager. This key influencer will help developers and executives at FamilySearch deliver new solutions to help customers easily and joyfully do the jobs they want to do.


  • Spend time with customers to learn the types of family history activities they want to do.
  • Interact with internal and external developers and test their solutions to understand industry directions and the tradeoffs of each solution.
  • Examine current data to find new potential opportunities for the organization. Summarize these findings effectively and present them to executives.
  • Help internal clients create hypotheses matching customer segments with their problems and potential solutions. Build and test minimum viable products (MVPs) with customers to learn which solutions customers value.
  • Collect, summarize, and share test results with internal and external managers and executives. Influence them to develop scalable products and services around MVPs whose value has been proven.
  • Identify, analyze, and respond to project risk. Manage expectations of key stakeholders. Manage project task lists and timelines. Ensure timely project completion. Ensure projects will satisfy the needs of customers.
  • Study and divide large customer segments into smaller segments that can be effectively targeted. Create personas for each segment.
  • Help internal clients create promotion or training materials that show how new products or services can help customers do the jobs they want to do.



It’s so much like the New Testament Church, really eerie.  Remember when Peter and Paul sought to create engaging messagizing to oh whatever? I can’t even fake this way of speaking any longer.  If you wonder why “the church” seems rather different from the old one you grew up in, the absolute take over by technofascism and its genre of jargony jargonizing may have something to do with that estrangement.  That corporation is especially vulnerable to two broader cultural practices: finance and technocracy, both converging in the Gospel.

Yet again, it is impossible to determine the different between satire and the thing subject to satire, when dealing with the corporation.  And there’s no fun in that, really.  I don’t think the Book of Mammon could even be written today. What I satirized in the Book of Mammon seems tame when compared with the half-decade old, newizing reality.



  1. I’d agree that #2 is the fake, but for a different reason. While managing international fonts is a serious, mission-critical task, it seems like too fine-grained a task to hire someone to manage.

  2. It’s a tough call (try all seem like satire – especially the mobile device mission) but I’m going with font manager. 😅



  3. I know you would not do something as straight forward as a Turing test; maybe a fake one. There must be more to your trickery. There are clues here…you were tasked with looking for a real job, yet your search wandered to LDS Church employment openings–a club that you knew would never make the same mistake twice. Hmm, manifestation of defeatism? Perhaps, or maybe just taking an early lunch break. Maybe “Turing test” is the key. Alan, a-LAN,..a local area network…. These are technical job listings, now we’re getting somewhere. Let’s see… before his gay identity blossomed fully in the King’s College homosexual milieu there was that one young man who first got things stirring in young Alan…what was his name? Ah, Christopher Morcom; and another clue! Chris Morcom: Christ-Mormon-Communications. The whole package laid bare before us in titillating, yet simple elegance. So, you are giving us a prophecy-game. You are saying that if one is willing to thrust in his sickle to spread the message of the Prophet-Priest-King’s College technocracy of current LDS-ism one is likely to be drawn permanently into the homosexual lifestyle and rather than drawing nearer to heaven one will be entering a trance to create a chimera comprised of odd religious jargon, sound snippets, abstractions and technology drivers, all unreal, but viewable on mobile devices. Unless I have made a logical misstep somewhere, I get it. These are all real jobs just waiting for the gullible and unwary to assume the position.

  4. MVP is great, but they could have also gone with VIP (Viable incipient product). Be not weary in fonting.

  5. This is hilarious. It’s complete crap. Using Smith as a fake last name is brilliant, makes you sound all churchy. This is not how the church hires. But you know that already.

  6. Smith, is my fake last name, just like yours. Maybe we are fake brothers? You figured it out. My real last name is Smith, just as these jobs are all real, and yes, apparently, the church does hire this way, but you know that already. Just go to their website, and read them for yourself. Or just look at your inbox, where church departments have sent you, their HR manager, sometime master of deception and brilliant clue-sleuther-out-er, yet another batch of non-sense for you finish in your own brilliant churchy way.

  7. I would have to guess number two is bogus, since not all cultures (Piraha, anyone?) have written languages, thus placing them beyond internationalization of “all print and media of the restored Church of Jesus Christ around the world.” Surely “the church” (and thus God Himself) knows this and would not post such crap as a result. You would have to teach them all Brazilian Portuguese first, but then that would be call “colonization,” right?

    1. Well, in that sense they would all be “bogus,” if our standard is how the claims made in the ad match up with reality, as we understand it today.

      1. For real, though, Daymon, you have uncovered a way for someone to defeat satire, which is to take it up, double down on it, and generate it continuously, with a straight face, and with a generous side of hash browns and bacon, until it cannot be told from the original satirical remarks, at the cost, of course, of the creation of messaging in order to spread an actual message, blah, blah, blah. The message not really being the message, but just a vehicle, a mobile prison, like the Good Ship Zion (TM), which leads to nowhere.

      2. I guess it shows how little what is said actually contributes to something like a “movement” or a community, which maybe why, say, Nazism is so easily spead, or ISIS. And that attempts to “educate” against such evils generally fail, because these are not really “word” based creations. strange…

  8. Very strange! A remarkable insight from someone who has spent so much time showing how language shapes the creation of things, but surely in line with what we see before us. If language is not the source of such things, then some other magic must be at play. I don’t think I’ve ever heard what you just said regarding education from anywhere else.

    On the contrary, so many anti-causes, or battles / wars begin these days begin with calls to educate (Information Is Power!, and don’t forget BIG Data!) in order to bring “awareness” as a first step in resistance to some thing. Perhaps in light of what you say here of the evidence before us, this may not always be so sure a first step as thought.

  9. I’d have to go with number 1 and 2. It’s been stressed in too many meetings that it’s the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and is not to be shortened. Unless the person writing and overseeing the hiring is somehow lenient.

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