For Your FHE Study: Proclamation On Race with Official Seal

In addition to the earlier post on Race, and its non-scriptural, non-biological roots, I provide the following pdf files.

Would these make their words more of a Proclamation than a mere Statement? Is the difference really in the formatting? Or in who is speaking? Or to whom they speak?  A proclamation is oriented to an audience, while a statement ordinarily names the properties of something said or written. In any case, these are pretty cool (thanks to Mr. Anonymous), and for your use in Family Home Afternoon.

While You are Here, Yes YOU, why not look over the most recent volume in a Cultural History of the Book of Mormon?

AAA statement: race

Newsroom Statement: race2


And finally, you can put this Official Seal of Approval on all Newsroom Proclamations, Statements, Utterances, Guesses, Suppositions, Declarations, Communications, Sentences and so on:



1962 BYU Film: Measure of a Man: Booze and Broads (repost)

Third in this week’s Humbar Smoker’s Hour, with a BYU film set in Provo called Measure of a Man.

Sophisticated in its approach to peer pressure, and it’s resistance, the film shows precisly how one becomes a boozy floozy.  Alongside shots of Utah County, you also get a lovely offering of the variety of accents then common to Utah.  Big Mike joins his new pals for rootbeers at the Big Boy, and its downhill, literally, after that.  This is what happens when Jocko isn’t home taught by Slick Dave (see post below for reference).

The principle plot device is internal monologue, a revealing choice which indicates how isolated we had become by this time; also, the presumption is that our social selves are essentially postures and fakes.  And the audience is allowed accesss to their “real” selves via this narrative surveillance, while the characters are driven literally by the deceptive postures built from an overriding paranoia that one might be called or thought of as being “chicken”.  Parents, cops, and all the devices for bounding off behavior are fooled by the show and big talk; but in the end it’s self-surveillance that cannot be fooled.  Yet, the concern isn’t about right or wrong, but what would another person think.  The ideal Correlated person, in short, is unattached from actual social settings, and conducts self-surveillance and imagined dialogue with authorities in the manner shown here: “What would X think if he/she saw/heard me now?”  Don’t dare watch it?  Whatarya?  Chicken?  Hah!

Up In Smoke: 1960 CES Satire on Big Tobacco

Welcome to the Humbar Smoker’s Hour: presenting Up In Smoke, Church Education  Style, sans Cheech and Chong.

As far as I can tell, it’s a satirical film on the schemers, ad men like Mr. Manning, scientists, and execs at Humbar Cigarettes.  Real Mellow, real mellow.  The fat cat southahna’ CEO seems like an ideal candidate for Presiding Bishop, in today’s Mormonism, but that’s the way the filter tips.

Hey Daddy-O, bring me a Humbar, I’d rather have it than pie.

Favorite Theses From BYU (repost)

Here are a few important theses from very serious Masters students at the Lord’s UniversityTM.  I swear these are not made up:

DeShazo Possibly the best title ever…

Hendrix Sad…just sad…

Oborn Sad…just sad…but it got him into Harvard’s Biblical Gender Studies Program (thanks TT!)

Beuhner Why did we ever stop saying “lady missionary”?

Bassett Early Metafiction

Horsley Why wasn’t this guy ever made an apostle? Can we make him one now?  Why not? Oh, I know why…you guys are in that possible trend occurring in religious philosophy in a geographic area, aren’t you?

Hirschi As if Seminary Bowl needs your approval.  The Bowl doesn’t need your stinking approval.  The Bowl is good.  There is nothing wrong with the Bowl.  The Bowl was used by Adam (see Moses 7).

Cunningham We all know what you mean by “certain patterns of affection,” perv!

New Hymn Book

I’ve got my hoofs on a page from the not-yet-released, oink, hymn book. 

Here’s one song, to be singed “with awesomeness”:

Because I have been giving much, they must invest,

Because of my great bounty might some day be less,

They will build a mall indeed,

They will give grief to those who plead,

Thus, shall their ph’lanx be plain-ly greed.  

And this wonderful heart stirring tune:

Put your money in the mall, shop along,

Do your duty with a bag full of blong (nineteenth century slang for “bling”)

We all must shop, buy that new shirt, so,

Put  Your  Moneyyyyyy Innnnnnn The Mallllll.

And then this one, to be singed “reflectively”:

Praise to the Ensign who invested our money!

Interest and Interest our monies will Grow!

Praise to their ge-he-nius, wast-ed not on the hungry,

feed them and what? your mo-ho-ney is gone.

Praise to Ensign! Invested our monies! [men]

    Peaks    Peaks     Peaks! [women]

Pray that the markets won’t cra-ha-ash this time.